Today is a good day. We got lots done as we're preparing for the Celebration Service this Saturday. I want to hold on to these things for sweet Will. As I've said, he doesn't quite get what is happening. He is excited to see Daddy in heaven again, which makes me smile.
We had a busy weekend, which is good, in a way, as it keeps the boys distracted. After a long night at our Life Group Christmas party, the boys came home, bathed and were finally ready for bed. The boys asked me to start with my memory and so I told them the story of the Santa Clara County Fair. I was working there when Steve and I started dating. He was always so funny, so competitive and always wanting to do something that might get us in trouble. Each department had their own golf cart, including my department, special events. After the fair would close at night a lot of the young people who worked there would meet back in the barn to have a beer, relax and just socialize. One night, we decided it would be really fun to race golf carts. Steve was definitely into the idea and wanted to be the first one in the cart. (As Jeremy mentioned, most of the carts all went the same speed, but that didn't stop us.) We got in the golf carts and zoomed around the fairgrounds. I remember laughing and laughing as we sped in and out of paths, almost crashing into other golf carts. We all made it in one piece up to the front of the grounds by my office. Steve had the biggest smile on his face. I knew I was in for the ride of my life that night and boy I was right.
Jeremy and Will talked about this memory a lot, asking lots of questions and laughing at Daddy. Jeremy decided to try and remember a funny time. The first thing he thought of was going up to Chad's property and camping 2 years ago. They rode the 4-wheeler, shot a 22, went fishing and just spent great time together. Jeremy had so much fun with Steve that trip.
Will remembers it a little bit, but what he remembers is driving with Daddy on all of the trails in the truck while he was sitting on Daddy's lap. "I was driving the car Mommy."
It's still hard to believe he's gone and I'm sure we'll have hard moments for years to come. I talked to a friend over the weekend who lost his Mom when he was 11. He says it made him a better person and the man he is today. I agree with him for the most part. I think losing my mom made me a different person, but I'm still so sad the boys won't have a father. Thanks to all of the guys who have stepped up to this challenge - you won't replace Steve, but you will help the boys when they need you most.
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