I can't sleep and those nights are the hardest. I think about you and different times we shared together. I think about how I want you here to teach our sons how to be men. I want you to teach them how to behave, how to treat others, especially women. I remember the first night we started dating, I loved talking to you for hours and then was so touched when you wouldn't let me walk home alone...it was 2am of course in downtown San Jose. When you got me to the door of my sorority house you asked me if you could kiss me. In that moment, I knew I was falling in love with you. The kiss was absolutely amazing and I doubt everyday that I'll ever experience that again.
I miss your friendship. I miss talking with you everyday (even when you were in the hospital) and knowing that I loved you and there was someone out there who loved me. I want you to show Jeremy and Will that it's better to be an honest, truthful man who cares for and respects others. I want you to show them that being selfish is not okay. I want them to love others wholeheartedly. Having to teach them everything myself is going to be so hard.
I don't want to be single, I don't want to be alone, but here we are. I never know if I'll truly understand God's plan and what the purpose of this is. I walk through each day and for the most part, my heart heals just a little bit more each of those days. That's what it's so shocking to hit a wave of grief that comes out of the blue.
I miss sharing my life with you! I know you're watching over us. Help me to make good choices! Help me be the mother and father our children need! Help me to be a woman who stands firm in her beliefs.
